The Scale Does Not Define Me, The Scale Does Not Define Me

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The Scale DOES NOT DEFINE ME! It’s so hard. It really is soooooo hard to look at a scale and not make me turn into a calorie counting, starve myself nutcase. I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with the scale. CrossFit has really helped me drop most of my issues with that silly little contraption, but as with any obsession/addiction it still haunts you every now and then.

A few months ago, I did weigh myself and I was not happy with that weight. I told myself enough is enough. Getting fluffier was not an option. And guess what I got fluffier. I woke up at 5:20 this morning and dragged my fluffy ass to the scale. WHY would I torture myself? I can clearly see and feel that I’m not down to the weight I want to be. I don’t really have a “goal” weight but I know the weight I’m at is too much. But WHY are you weighing yourself cause it’s only gonna make you cry?

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Welp. The WOD for the day was working on Overhead Squats. We had ten 1 rep attempts to get heavy. If we weren’t able to squat our weight we’d have to run 1 mile. Seriously? My last OHS for 1 rep was 90lbs. I didn’t want to weigh at the BOOM Box out of shame and embarrassment. But here I go to the world – My weight is 168lbs. Yup. I did it. I shared it with the world. I’m 5’2 folks! I’m short. I’m chunky. The upside is that more mass moves more weight (at least that’s what I keep telling myself and the scale does not define me). It’s bittersweet. A year ago I weighed around 135lbs. I’d much rather be at that weight right now. But I am not. I’d also like to be running an 8 minute mile again. But I am not.

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So what’s a confused girl supposed to do? Starve herself. Start counting calories? Do triple workouts? UGH. This girl just wants to hide. But I can’t. If I were 300lbs I might qualify for Extreme Weight Loss. Chris Powell would help me find out why I turn to food for comfort. But I don’t have that much to lose and I don’t really turn to food for comfort. I just think it’s tasty! And I’m addicted to sweet tea. I think CLEAN food is tasty too. I have no problem eating clean, I just have a problem cutting out all the bad stuff. I always let it slip in and it’s mostly on the weekends that I sabotage myself. So just QUIT doing it, right? Well that’s the plan for this MOMENT in time. I just hope that come Friday, Saturday and Sunday I do just that. Sigh.

8/21/13 WOD

8/21/13 WOD

Enough poor me talk. I’m still alive. I’m still relatively healthy. And I’m still showing up to the BOOM Box even when I don’t wanna! So you already know it was all about the OHS squats. After a crazy, exhausting warm up. I was ready to just call it a day or start my run, because I knew I wasn’t squatting 168lbs. I KNOW that! Needless to say we still had to do the rep scheme. 1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1. 90lbs is my previously recorded OHS. I’m not sure when that happened but sometime before Feb 2013 and sometime after Sept 2012. Overhead Squats used to be my nemesis.

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With time, they are more of my friend. My wrists aren’t so puny anymore and although any large amount of OHS work will still cause some pain and havoc, I am much better. Knowing that I’m heavier, I know that I will be able to move more weight. I just wasn’t sure how MUCH more weight. So I set myself up for my 1RM of 90lbs to be my 5th attempt. Just in case I wasn’t that much stronger! Looking back, I wish I had made that my 2nd or 3rd attempt. I also wish we had more time to get the 10 reps in. I only made it to my 9th attempt before time ran out. If I didn’t have a J-O-B to get to, I would have definitely tried for the 10th attempt. But nooo I had to run that mile. So anyways, when going for a heavy 1 rep, one does not simply just make big jumps in weight. There’s a process… mental and physical. But sometimes that process needs to be pushed aside. Should have, would have, could have … I know. I just wished I had gone bigger. I had my 10th attempt set for 115lbs. Time was up at the 9th attempt. So I jumped right in and did 115 like it was a piece of cake! UGH I wish I had more time. I’m thinking at least 130, AT LEAST! None the less, I will take a 25lb PR. Grant, if you’re reading this I finally rang the PR bell. I know I’ve been resistant to ringing it but I felt good with the OHS PR.

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As far as the run goes. My worst 1 mile EVER in the history of me running miles. 13:08. 2 years ago my 1 mile was 8:08. How am I getting so much worse. 2 1/2 years ago at my worst physical shape I managed an 11:40 something mile. So ya, my dread for running has to change. I’m not happy with the poor running so I HAVE to work on it so I can at least find some peace of mind in how fast I can run a mile. I’m not striving for a sub 6min time but getting back the 8’s would be helpful.

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So LEAN out, RUN faster and figure out Pull Ups. That’s all right? Shoot me now. Hopefully the leaning out will boost the other two goals. Hopefully! Well it’s HUMP Day and I’m not happier than a camel, but I’ll manage! The scale does not define me. Make it a good day and remember to be AWESOME in all you do.

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Tore Up!

From the FLOOR UP! My apologies for being MIA. With that said I should have taken another REST day cause I am SMOKED! So I didn’t post anything for y’all on Friday because I didn’t hit up the BOOM Box till that evening. And my weekend was swamped. I also didn’t get to BOOM yesterday morning cause my body was still trying to recover from Friday! It’s a short week I know, no time to be missing but I hope to make Monday up tomorrow! And what was waiting for me this morning was pure insanity. I should have stayed in bed!

Let us first recap FRIDAY! In my slackerness I forgot to take a picture of the board. Well it wasn’t so much slackerness, the Metcon just wiped me out and I was a bit delirious and TORE UP! I can’t express in words how beat down I was mentally and physically!

11/16/12 Skill/Strength: Floor Press 1, 1, 1, 1, 1
Since I was working out in the evening I was definitely awake and not dragging as much. Whenever we do singles like this Coach definitely wants us to push our 1RM. I’ve never really recorded a 1RM. After looking back I had a 5RM at 75lbs at some point managed to get 85lbs in. On Friday I wasn’t sure. So I started at 75lbs and worked my way up. By my 4th round I was at 95lbs. That wasn’t so bad and now I know that’s a PR. My partner Jennifer, who is crazy strong, jumped up to 105lbs for her last rep and encouraged me to jump up too. For a second I thought I had it but I just couldn’t muster the bar up. I don’t know if I would have got 100lbs but that was my last rep. I know next time I will get it!

MetCon: 15 minute AMRAP of 1 Power Clean (115lbs), 5 Deadlifts (115lbs)
Same thing here not knowing for certain what my 1RM was for PowerClean. I know it’s less than 115 and Coach wanted us to go heavy. After warming up, I worked my way up to 105lbs. AFTER looking it up today, I’ve documented myself in an OLY class at 105lbs so that’s what I got. I did attempt 115lbs but that didn’t work out!

I was stoked for the AMRAP to start. I got that bar up, 105lbs for the Deadlift is pretty light and then the 2nd round was WOMP WOMP! I struggled for the first 4 rounds trying to clean the bar and wasted a lot of time freakin out in my brain. So coach had me drop to 95lbs and that was much easier but by then I’d wasted so much time I was mentally DEFEATED! And my back was smoked and so was every other part of me! I ended up with 19 rounds. That my friends is 19 Power Cleans and 95 Deadlifts! Little did I know this would slowly kill me all weekend.

It didn’t help that I had to drive to Oklahoma City the following morning at 5am and back after our football game on Saturday. SITTING is NO BUENO for the back. On Sunday I wasn’t feeling much better at all and by the time Monday morning rolled around it still hurt to much to roll out of bed.

11/20/12 WOD
This morning it wasn’t painful to get out of bed but I knew KAREN with some added running was waiting for me. I mean really KAREN, I don’t know anyone that wants to do that. 100% of me wanted to call it a day and not show up but I know better and I drug my pathetic self in. Before KAREN we worked on Power Snatch. Mostly we worked on technique. If you know anything about this lift then you KNOW it’s all about technique!!! I think towards the end I was feeling good with it but I only stayed at 55lbs.

11/20/12 WOD

MetCon: Red Gate Run, 150 Wall Balls, Red Gate Run
Post WOD Coach made a comment about my 10lb MED BALL. YA I probably should have used the 14 pounder but have I told you I’m TOAST?!!?? My back, my legs, my HIPS! So if I was going to survive the RUNNING and the WALL BALLS then 10lbs it was gonna be! My run sucked. I could feel every step in my back. Then my hips, then a side stitch! I felt pitiful. It took me about 9 minutes to go about 3/4 miles! That is HORRIBLE! Then we gotta chip away at wall balls. It took about 4 rounds of 10 before the side stitch went away or maybe I finally blocked out the pain. I did 15 sets of 10 with the wall balls. It took me a little over 10 minutes, I’m not sure on the exact time. Then the RUNNING! My legs were dead, my back is more dead, my hips are on FIRE. I’ll be honest, I walked most of that last run. It was terrible. Time: 32:25 SUCKY but hey at least I showed up despite all my desire not to show up! Not sure what tomorrow will bring but I’m guessing it will be brutal.

In other news: It’s kinda sorta my 1 YEAR BLOGGING BIRTHDAY! I started this bad boy on Nov. 18th, 2011 and looky looky I’m still here. Sometimes a bit boring or a bit cry baby and sometimes a bit BAD ASS AND AWESOME, whatever it is you all have shared my journey and I THANK YOU ALL for sticking with me. Hopefully I’m some sort of inspiration or even comedic entertainment to everyone. Even if I’m not I’ll still be here, typing away day in and day out! Let’s hope I get better at this in the next year!

Food News: I SUCK. The end.

I hope everyone has been doing well. I feel lost not being on my best blogging behavior! We are swamped with football which by the way is going great! WE are 1 game away from the National Championships in Florida! Wooooo. GOOO THUNDER!!! You can donate here if you are in the giving spirit! Other than that just BE AWESOME and have a beautiful day!!!